It’s funny, if it were a person, the first impression I get would be “I don’t think I care for you much.” You came in obnoxiously loud, scaring the crap out of my animals and keeping me awake. Now you are cold, gray and wet. Fortunately, years are not people and how one starts is not how it might be. We need the rain anyway. But with that out of the way…
Happy New Year Everybody!!!
God is in control. He’s my provider! He is good. I don’t understand quite a bit about Him or why He lets us go through the things we go through. I don’t think we’ll know the reasons to a lot of that in this life. Possibly not in the next either. God’s not a big reason giver it seems. He does like mystery! When you can barely fathom the Lord of the universe, it stands to reason you might not fathom His ‘reasoning’ on a number of things either.
2014 has been a rather wild ride that finished with even more intensity than it started with. I got involved in a Multi Level Marketing company that went nowhere. That lead to getting involved with a company that (still, someday, intends to) sells lighting upgrades to LED bulbs and fixtures. That quickly turned into a disaster and after several months of that I got out. I figured life would just go back to status quo then. It didn’t. I felt like God was saying things were going to change quickly. Since then, the wife got laid off. My depression overcame my medication for a while. The wife and I went through an intense 40 day prayer season (challenge actually but I hate that expression). It was the most intense time with God we’ve ever had. Then the world kinda fell apart on us. Mary still has no job and over the last couple of months we’ve had about 10 disasters that have cost us significant sums of money. The last one (hopefully the last one!) was the truck breaking down. That pretty much put me over the edge and I felt like God hated me right about then. I was pretty mad and despondent then as well. It’s been the worst period of time of financial disasters Mary and I have ever experienced in our lives as well. From mountain top straight to bottom of volcano! Notice I didn’t say valley. Valleys are nice. We live in them mostly. They are “normal”. This fall went into nothing that could remotely be categorized as normal. Of course, we all got sick and are dealing with mountain cedar allergies as well. Add to that my oldest daughter having several Grand Mal seizures for no discernible reason for the first time ever and you have a rotten couple of months. At least on the surface of things.
All in all I’d have to say I don’t handle “life falling apart” disaster very well. At least not when it’s in the middle of falling apart. We’re a few weeks since the last disaster. First day of the new year. I got over myself enough to get back to knowing God loves me and is my provision. Honestly I felt like He was saying “trust me” in the middle of all that. At the time it just made me mad. I felt like ‘trust’? What choice do I have really? I either trust and follow you or I don’t. I know personally one person who chose not to follow any longer. In order to not do so they had to decide to believe God doesn’t exist. It’s kind of funny when you think about it. We’re going to go through hard times in this life no matter how you believe. At least God’s up front about that. Jesus said “In this life you will have tribulations.” If you’re an atheist what do you have? Chance just sucks? As an unbeliever you probably just think God really does hate you. Whatever road you are on, parts of it are going to suck. Some parts will suck hard. I guess I don’t know how to not have the hissy fit in the middle of the suckage yet. I do know that I don’t want to go down the road without my God though. That’s something positive.
I guess I’ve put kind of a downer heart baring bit in those last two paragraphs. Sorry about that. I have to be honest about life though and parts of life are hard. Now for full disclosure. Yes the last few months have been hard. But, in reality, it was nothing! Nobody has a life threatening illness. Nobody has died. Nobody has left anyone. Nobody has starved. Nobody has gone without clothing (usually, hehe, I know, I know, I won’t go there!!!). Our suffering was real, the pain was real, but it was pretty minor in reality. Things could have been much MUCH worse. So even as I write this it occurs to me to give thanks to God for that minor suffering. I don’t think any of it will have any permanent affect, except hopefully on my attitude.
I hate going over cliffs. God likes to take me over cliffs, a lot. Right now I’m going to ask for some God wings. If I have to keep going over then screw it, lets fly!